My Retreat

Welcome.

The door is now open, but be warned! Angela’s World is not to everyone’s tastes. Should you have a hole in your tooth, this may not be the best place to be. It is sugary sweet with a pink Skittle on top.


Come in and look around. Do not be alarmed, everything is supposed to be pink.
There are a couple of rules before you enter, so read carefully.
· Please wear the fuschia coloured fluffy slippers provided. That’s right, put them on!
· Spit your old grey chewing gum in the bin provided. I have strawberry Hubba-Bubba for everyone.
· Anyone with any shade of pink colouring in their hair should immediately report to the on-site hairdressers to have it dyed. You WILL get lost!
· Once we reach the chocolate fountain I would ask for your full and undivided attention. Should one find a WHITE (yes, I know, it makes my skin crawl too) Marshmallow, the large, magenta ‘Alert’ button should be hit immediately! This is vitally important.

Right then adventurers, it seems we are ready for the off.

To our left is the pub and yes, it is pink, well coral to be exact!! It sells copious amounts of alcohol, it never closes and it has a fantastic bartender. His name is Pete. He never sleeps and rarely has a break. He allows the juke box up high and has removed the coin slots for the pool table. He doesn’t fall for all that government crap about ‘Happy hours create a binge drinking culture’ and sticks his two fingers up at the ‘Smoking Ban’. All say hello to Pete!! See above.

Now further on up on the right, are the shops. We have: Fred the Florist (he sells pink flowers only, except on Saturdays when he brings me in my favourite white lilies. Bert the Butcher, selling only pink meat (I think he dyes the stuff), Greg the Pinkgrocer (had to, sorry), Francis the Fishmonger and gay Charles who runs the Deli. Charles loves the little pink tissue paper I gave him to wrap his delicates in. I have all I could ever hope for. Raj in the corner shop gets me my pink Sunday papers and my pink spices for my pink chicken tikka massala. It’s pure heaven here in Angela’s World.

Now, I have a little treat for you. This is perhaps the best bit of Angela’s World!! The Park… but it’s like no other park. It has a cave in the hillside that houses someone very special to me. Someone who knows all my secrets, all my troubles and who is my very bestest friend. Be very careful as we approach the pink carpeted area as any sudden noise might startle her and unless you have a hard hat on, that can be quite painful.
Everyone, I would like you to meet…… IMELDA!!!!! The pink Skittle breathing dragon!!!

Imelda is the voice of reason in my head. I sometimes listen, I sometimes don’t. When I make a bad decision, sweet as she may seem, she can get very angry. When she gets angry, she doesn’t breathe fire like normal everyday dragons. She breathes SKITTLES! (the sweets, not the bowling pins) but the Skittles can sometimes come at you with such force that they wedge in your ears, your nose and even give you a pink eye (again, I couldn’t resist). Anyway, she seems to be contented and relaxed, so let’s not hang around for too long and make her agitated.

Her highly volatile nature makes using the chocolate fountain very dangerous....remember what I told you about the magenta 'Alert' button....

You have now seen all I have time to show you today……do call again. Only not too loudly.
Please leave your complimentary fuschia fluffy slippers in the hallway on your way out and take yourselves a packet of strawberry Hubba-Bubba if you wish.


Goodday to you all.

NB. Permission for re-entry will only be granted to those who make a real pink fluffy effort to make me smile.